My Chemical Romance

No, this blog isn't about the rock band. It's about life.

I was sitting here, feeling sorry for myself for a whole stack of reasons. It's 11:30pm on a Friday night, I'm sitting in front of a computer screen, reading a book and chatting with friends. It started working up and before I knew it, I was depressed.

I sat and looked at every little thing that makes up my life.
The good, the bad, and the meh...

My life is not a bad thing. I could MAKE it a bad thing. But it isn't, in and of itself, a bad thing. It's a rebirth. I am stuck in the infant stage of this rebirth. Waiting for my finances to catch up with my desires. I have the skill and the talent to get to where I need to go, but I don't have the money yet...

But I'm getting there.

It's the "getting there" part that sucks. These moments in between, when I can't do anything? I used to fill with "being married" and dozens of little chores and responsibilities. Losing that part of me means I have to relearn what to do with my time. I didn't realize that. I mean I "knew" I would have to, but grasping that that means NOW, and maybe THEN, and possibly even LATER... I'm just now grasping that, understanding that for what it is.

I've started a new sci-fi series and I am loving it.
I have a stack of books that I need to read, I will do my best to enjoy those too.
Each moment needs to be lived.
Not necessarily filled, but lived.
Endured, Survived, Fulfilled.

These patches of grasping are really getting old.
I'm ready to know what I need to survive.

But anyways... it dawned on me that I am dealing with chemicals.
Those emotions, thoughts, ideas, plans, etc? They are all chemicals. I have the ability to rearrange them by focusing and concentrating. We get to decide what emotions control us. So I'm going to try harder to recognize that, and respond appropriately.

Don't worry, be happy.
- Bobby McFerrin

My motto...