Single Serving Life

Looks like I'm on my own.

Oh lordy... I still have this melodramatic urge to whine and pine for someone that doesn't want me... how annoying. I'm happy tho. When you've lived without any options for around a decade, suddenly having them? It's kinda fucked up.

I've spent my married life worried. Worried about money, about my ex-wife's health... wow. That's the first time I've been able to say "ex-wife." Still hurts. ANYWAY, I've spent it worried. Clinging to anything that was stable, keep my job (even tho my boss is intolerable), keep my car running (it's a geo, runs, but looks like poop), be careful about hurting my clothes (we couldn't afford new ones), etc.

Now nothing is holding me back, nothing is nailing me down, and I'm so new at this world that I'm kinda frozen in the headlights. Staring down the barrel of a new life, hoping and fearing that the trigger would get pulled. I found a house that is ridiculously normal. 3 bedroom, 1 bath, all appliances, central heating and air, 2 year old roof, and in my price range. I would have to turn it to a 1 bedroom, huge ass bathroom, in order to make it what I wanted... but is that what I want? A home in suburbia? What the fuck?!

I'm kinda thinking I'll take the house. I went out to see it last night, in the dark, to see what the neighborhood looks like. It was quiet and peaceful, not in the woods (like I want), but quiet... peaceful...

But what then?
I have things in me that need out.

I want to draw, paint, do photography, play music, learn new languages... write, create, build...

It's a huge world out there.
I'm a single serving kinda guy now.
I can't imagine EVER trusting anyone with that much of my heart again.
I honestly trusted her with that pure part of me, and she stepped on it... twice.
But that doesn't mean I can't have friends...

so

Here's to friends... life... liberty and the pursuit of hard liquor!
( oh and code... LOTS of code... )

Peace out