Clean Install

Ahhhhhhh...

I'm on my refreshed system.
I've got files transferring, Adobe CS3 installed, Office soon-to-be-installed, then it's the iTunes and a few other knicknacks and I'm in biddness.

I feel good today. I feel like everything is good.
I'm in some DEEP introspective due to a conversation I had with a very close friend. They said I'm fooling myself on some issues, so of course, I am looking deep to see if the cloud of self-deceipt has settled onto my shoulders. That's something I don't want to do, something I don't want to indulge in.

It's so easy to fool yourself. But you end up just BEING a fool. I'm still recovering from the divorce, still adapting to life as a single person, and I am trying the best way I know how to maintain sanity and peace of mind. I'm trying to do things because I want to do them, not because of someone else at all. That's how I've done everything to date, never for me. Never for me.

NEVER FOR ME!

I have so many issues that I didn't even recognize. I thought I had grown up in your better-than-average household, when it turned out we had some serious issues. I feel so frustrated that I'm finding this all out now, so late in life. I mean part of me says better now than never, but part of me says why bother?

I know that I want to be healthy in my interactions with the rest of you. I know that I don't even know what a healthy interaction with any of you is, yet. But I also know I am working towards becoming a whole and complete person.

I don't know... I'm a little frustrated this morning. A little because some advice I was recently given is making more and more sense. I believe I may be fooling myself to some degree... the question is, since the fooling myself feels so good right now, will I stop and take the instant pain that is waiting on the otherside of that decision? Or will I wait for the pain to be at someone elses timing and decision?

I'm gambling on finding a middle ground. If I can get some things in life started and moving forward, then I can let go of the thing that feels good without feeling ANY pain... but it's all about the timing.

Timing is everything in this case...