Epiphanies

So I've had my iPhone for about 2 weeks now. I've been checking out a VAST ARRAY of iPhone Apps. Looking for concepts and ideas that make an App Great. I just sat down on my lunch break to breeze through some of the blogs that I follow (you should check them out on my profile... some are awesome) and I stumbled across reading my own blog. The last one in fact, about resolutions.

I thought of the things I want to "create" and it hit me.

I saw the perfect way to lay out a new app. A project I've been working on (kinda) for the last couple years, but I always seemed to find a marital reason to make it die or go away. My poor client was so patient, he never actually gave up, but I told him I would be temporarily inconvenienced and unavailable for working on his project until I got my life sorted out.

Well, I just saw his project as an iPhone app.
I think I could put together all aspects of this quite nicely...
I'm all of a sudden WAY too excited (chuckle). SO, that's one more reason to be happy this 2nd day of my new year.

I had a perfect New Years Day, I spent some time with (of all people) my ex-wife. We hashed out some serious issues we have had and I feel that much closer to figuring out where we are now. I feel freedom from being responsible for her (obviously), and I don't possess her (in that way I felt as a husband), and we were able to be friends. Nicely. We watched a movie and chatted and all in all... I'm happy.

That's all that matters isn't it...?
Well, I think so.

All of my problems didn't solve themselves tho. I think I've figured out which house I want to buy, however, my Real Estate Agent just showed me one in Sand Springs that's bigger, has more bedrooms, one more car garage and is almost $20k cheaper?! I don't know what to do about that. Cause I REALLY don't wanna live in Sand Springs, but that's quite a deal.

No, who am I kidding. Security, Comfort and Cost. Those are what you look for in a home. I don't trust Sand Springs, I wouldn't be comfortable there, altho the Cost is insane. Especially for the pictures that are listed.

So, it looks like I'll start making those grown up and adult movements towards the house that has my fancy. I have to talk the owners down almost $5k AND get them to cough up 6% of the closing costs. OR I would go down $2k also with 6% closing costs and that would be just as well. Either way, that makes the house payments in a range I am happy with.

But if I get this? We are talking a 3 bedroom house. 1 car garage. Central heating and air. All appliances. Shed in the backyard. Red bricked patio. It's very nice. Granted, I would have to enlarge the bathroom into one of the other bedrooms for the bath of my dreams, and merge two of the bedrooms into a single wonderfully sized Master Bedroom that would be larger than the living room. Hell, I'm considering making it a studio apartment. Blow out both bedrooms into one huge room.

Who knows. Still taking it all in.
Trying to find out who I am.
What I want.
How I get it.

I saw most of "The Secret" last night with my ex. It's a documentary on a meta-physical concept for Positive Thinking. It was neat how alot of their concepts were a part of who I am already and I have accounted to those aspects much of why I am where I am now. But it gave me a desire to try to expand what I accomplish and gain 10-fold. I've lived with a fairly meager expectance out of life.

I'm adding on to my resolutions a little I think.

I want to make $10 million dollars.
A year.

Not to be rich, but so I don't ever have to worry about money again.
So if you've seen the secret, you know what I am doing to get there.

I don't really have a dream car.
I don't really have a dream house.
I want to live near the ocean.
I want to draw and paint and make music of some kind...
I would be interested in sculpting...
I would absolutely love to write (and be published).
I want to be in shape and healthy.
Other than that, my life's goals are formed and discarded on a daily basis.

Where will I be in one years time?
I'm looking forward to finding out.

It's 12:30pm at work.
I'm making goals, planning, reinventing who I am.
I don't even want to stop.

Who will I be tomorrow?

An Eschatological Laundry List

A Partial Register of the 927 Eternal Truths
So I have found the most delightfully despairingly uplifting book I have ever thought I "could" stumble upon. This author took the most painful truths about life and spoke them plainly. They are the most destructive messages you will ever read, but until you embrace them, make them one within you, you are merely fooling yourself. Take what you want, leave the rest.

1. This is it!
All of it. Nothing else is there for us but what have. This is amazing. She starts out the list with the most basic of all truths. It really hits me at my core.

2. There are no hidden meanings.
Everything is plain, everything is obvious, everything is bare, open, raw. You get what you see... now enjoy.

3. You can't get there from here, and besides there is no place else to go.
There is here, here is there. There is nothing more than a new perspective on here anyway, and why do you crave that instead of this? LOL! I love the truth, I desire to live the truth, to know it, to make it mine and me.

4. We are all already dying, and we will be dead for a long time.
Not funny, but hilarious. You were born to death, death is fast approaching, your end is coming, and when it hits, it is permanent. It is all. So REVEL IN THE MOMENT! BECAUSE THIS IS ALL THERE IS!!! THIS! IS!

5. Nothing lasts.
Nothing. So enjoy what you have, when you have it, for the reason you have it. If you don't, you merely lose out.

6. There is no way of getting all you want.
How liberating. The level of relief I have when I embrace this truth is amazing.

7. You can't have anything until you let go of it.
And even then you don't have it, you share it.

8. You only get to keep what you give away.
And even then you don't keep it, you share it.

9. There is no particular reason why you lost out on some things.
Each moment is not created by a single 'thing' but rather by a countless confusion of events, people, thoughts, ideas, things... the 'why' is the distancer.

10. The world is not necessarily just, being good often does not pay off and there is no compensation for misfortune.
Nuff said. Deal with it or spend your life in frustration.

11. You have a responsibility to do your best nonetheless.
How true, yet so many people avoid this truth like it was a plague or a virus.

12. It is a random universe to which we bring meaning.
RAmen.

13. You don't really control anything.
No matter how much you think you do.

14. You can't make anyone love you.
You can only make or allow yourself to love someone else.

15. No one is any stronger or weaker than anyone else.
We are who we are, no more and no less. Each of us has gifts, talents, skills, ideas, physicalities, disabilities, thoughts, dreams, beliefs, concepts, and more, than make us who we are. Strength is an illusion.

16. Everyone is, in their own way vulnerable.
Achilles had his heel, what do you have? Know it, know you, and you are more complete.

17. There are no great people.
Everyone is just a person, we all go to the bathroom, we all eat, we all were born, and we all will die.

18. If you have a hero, look again; You have diminished yourself in some way.
Be your own hero.

19. Everyone lies, cheats & pretends.
Everyone. Especially those you respect, especially you, and most especially me.

20. All evil is potential vitality in need of transformation.
wow. I am humbled by this. To lose the concept of a just and ordered universe is enough of a kick in the groin. But to think that evil is nothing more than energy needing to be changed? I heard a friend once say, "Everyone does everything they do because they think it will make them happy." No one sets out to do evil, but to serve themselves.

21. All of you is worth something, if you will only own it.
Own it. Accept it. Recognize it first. But most importantly, own it.

22. Progress is an illusion.
Nothing moves forward, we merely move sideways. We aren't creating anything new, just utilizing tools that were available at the beginning of time in a different way than we have before.

23. Evil can be displaced but never eradicated, as all solutions breed new problems.
Every solution merely creates new problems. Remember that, when you think you just "figured it all out," that all you did was come to a conclusion that will generate new and unexpected problems for you.

24. Yet it is necessary to keep struggling toward solution.
Without working towards solutions, you merely mire yourself (and waste time wallowing) in the problem. Stagnation.

25. Childhood is a nightmare.
For everyone. Noone has parents that did it right. Everyone was damaged from their time as a child, on some level, by some person.

26. But it is very hard to be an on-your-own, take-care-of-yourself-cause-there-is-no-one-else-to-do-it-for-you grown up.
Very hard. Very tough. Very vitally important tho.

27. Each of us is ultimately alone.
Forever, no matter the relationships you have. You are forever, and always alone.

28. The most important things, each person must do for themselves.
No one else will, nor can they.

29. Love is not enough, but it sure helps.
It helps alot... a lot, lot.

30. We have only ourselves, and one another. That may not be much, but that's all there is.
All there is.

31. How strange, that so often, it all seems worth it.
More often than I could ever have dreamed.

32. We must live with the ambiguity of partial freedom, partial power and partial knowledge.
And how frustrating is that?! It's enough to make you want to just give up.

33. All important decisions must be made on the basis of insufficient data.
You will never know enough to make the perfect decision.

34. Yet we are responsible for everything we do.
Everything we do, everyday we do it, for every reason we choose.

35. No excuses will be accepted.
None should even be offered.

36. You can run, but you can't hide.
And sometimes it's fun to run, and try to hide.

37. It is most important to run out of scapegoats.
Own you and all that you do.

38. We must learn the power of living with our helplessness.
It is our greatest strength, our greatest weakness.

39. The only victory, lies in surrender to oneself.
So let go.

40. All of the significant battles are waged within yourself.
Surrender to you.

41. You are free to do whatever you like. You need only face the consequences.
LOL! This one hurts me the most. But it's truth is the strongest.

42. What do you know……..for sure……….. anyway?
Nothing? Alot? Everything?

43. Learn to forgive yourself, again and again and again and again.
Because... see Rule #1.

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This is a book. I have set the link for the book at the top of this blog entry. I suggest you buy this book. It's amazing.