Religious Surgery

If you know me you know that I am simultaneously repulsed and fascinated by religion.

If you don't know me and you're a die-hard 'bleever' then you might as well stop reading now, cause I'm BOUND to offend, and I don't care. Sorry. (ok, so maybe I care a little)

I'm an ordained minister, licensed and registered to perform weddings in the state of Oklahoma. And I am a die-hard, true blue, atheist. 100%. The thought of ME going back to a religion after 'waking up' would be just as easy as ME going back and honestly believing in Santa Claus. There is JUST AS MUCH likelihood of the Santa (and the Tooth Fairy) as there is of a god.

Now granted, show me some undoctored aerial photos of Claus's Elven Workshop on the north pole with an authentic Elven Skeleton and I'll start thinking happy thoughts towards our planets Northern Pole each year and writing and mailing out letters to the Jolly Dude starting 1 minute after I see the proof.

But most likely, I'll die just as much an A-Santa-ist as I am an Atheist.

But I'm also a hobbyist memeticist. And I look at religion like the complicated, well-fabricated meme that it is. It has a pull, it authentically assists some people in living more full lives. There is a legitimate use in maybe 1% of the population. The rest? I honestly believe it does nothing more than make us embarrassed and overcome by guilt for the very thing we are... human.

So the atheist in me says 'throw out the baby with the bathwater' and let's start over. Remove religion, wake everyone up, let's try something new, cause the 'god delusion' ain't serving a purpose. We're damaging this planet while 100% assured that this fictional character is gonna come and clean everything up for us after he wreaks his vengeance all over our enemies (never once recognizing that usually 'our enemies' are thinking the same delusional thoughts).

However, the memeticist in me says what can I take from this meme called religion that could benenfit me... others... anyone?

I caught a snippet of thought that I wanted to capture to digital and here it is.

Forgiveness. Peace 'despite our environment.' Empathy.

Forgiveness is really resonating within me today, but not a forgiveness for others... a forgiveness for myself.

Now I haven't killed people, I'm not a secret serial killer. I don't even mug old ladies or steal pension checks out of the mail boxes. But I've done things in my life, my past, that still eats at me even today. Small slights against people that I genuinely cared for, mindless actions that caused pain or discomfort and in some cases true sadness. I have hurt peoples feelings... and sometimes it was even on purpose... shocking, I know...

So what does a person do with these feelings? Well, if psychiatry is to be listened to, we are to forgive ourselves. Simple, no?

Not for me. If I feel that I actively pursued hurting someone, or I caused a legitimate hurt by my mindless activities then I have a hard time honestly forgiving myself. I mean technically I'm human. And I honestly doubt I have EVER hurt or damaged anyone in anyway that was worse than anything they've ever received nor what they will receive from someone else. But that doesn't change the fact that I can't seem to let these things go.

But I remember back when I was a jeebus freek. I could honestly give those kinds of cares and worries to this fictional character and honestly feel forgiven. I could let go of lots of things back in those days. And if I could get relief from those feelings when my "god" was nothing more than a fictional character, surely I could figure out how to do this again? Right?

So it hit me... I am VERY good at visualizing. The rare moments when I truly meditate I can go and enjoy. So I'm going to try something and see if it works.

Separate a part of myself from me... grant it divine and ultimate powers of forgiveness... look at the things I need release from, forgiveness from, and allow this piece of me to forgive.

Will it work?

We'll see... I'll try to keep good notes here.

After that? I suppose peace and empathy and a few other things I would grant that religion allows a quick and easy meme towards. But I've had these thoughts shooting around inside my noggin and needed to get them down somewhere. So short of google going under, or the robot uprising, these thoughts should be safe for now.

Peace.